No Wicked Thing

Anti-Gay or Anti-Lambert

2009-12-06T19:14:00.002-06:00

After Adam Lambert's mouth fucking simulation during the American Music Awards, critics are yelling foul when ABC has been canceling future Lambert appearances. Is this an anti-gay conspiracy? Maybe. But in all fairness, ABC has a right to tailor their programming to their target audience. And if ABC execs believe their target audience does not include fag hags or fans of shitty music, where is the foul?

Lambert claims that there is a double standard against gay men that is not present for lesbian women. Thanks for pointing out the obvious. Of course our society (and most societies) are more comfortable seeing two chicks kiss compared to two dudes. Sorry, bud, those are the current attitudes. Keep kissing your keyboardist and mouth raping your dancers and maybe our culture will become desensitized to the image. But until then, don't be surprised when mainstream morning shows decline to have their programs turn into a Rent cast party.

Offended by Modesty

2009-12-06T19:08:00.000-06:00

While skimming this article about a Sudanese woman on trial for wearing tight pants, it made me think about my own encounter with religiously-imposed modesty during my latest visit to the Columbus Zoo.

While admiring the social and cognitive skills of the bonobos, I was surrounded by the typical obese, mid-Ohio family of five, but also by a Muslim family and a clan of Mennonites. What was interesting about the two religious minority families was that their traditional religious garb actually had the opposite effect than what the wearer intended.

Covering yourself from head-to-toe (even on a hot summer day that is likely to result in an accumulation of clitoral smegma) is supposed to communicate modesty. But what it actually does is draw attention from and offend the typical heterosexual male. Let me explain. One of the reasons for the overabundance of clothes is to avoid sexually exciting male strangers. In other words, denying my eyes of the woman's neck or hairline was the only thing that prevented me from attaining a massive boner and raping her. Luckily, she took precautions by covering herself. However, now thinking back, I wonder how I managed to control my primitive sexual urges around the other women at the zoo who had motorboat cleavage or visible gluteal folds.

In addition, since the garb is not normative in our culture, dressing like you're in Afghanistan or like it is 1659 is only drawing attention. Do these families know that they stick out like a herpes blister on a priest? Unless they are all histrionic, isn't that the opposite of what they want?

And lastly, even if the women are comfortable in their clothing choices, whether it is simply for modesty or to appease their god by not wearing Gap shorts, the women have to be aware of the gender bias inherent in their culture. Why is it acceptable for me to gaze upon the husband's scrotal bulge, but not acceptable for me to see camel toe? Is a scrotum less offensive to god than a labia majora?

Every time I come across religious people doing ridiculous things in order to appease an imaginary tyrant, I always wonder if they ever ask themselves, "What in god's name am I doing?"

Brothel Bargains

2009-12-06T19:07:00.002-06:00

An interesting article about how a German brothel is handling the global recession, despite some political "outrage."

Recession-hit brothels offer novel promotions.

This always frustrates me when I think about American laws prohibiting sex work. Why is prostitution illegal in 49 states? You would think that in a capitalist society, I, as a consumer, could purchase any good or service I fancied for a mutually agreed upon price. I can pay $15 to get my hair cut; $60 for a back massage; and I'm sure I could get someone to pretend to be a schizophrenic chicken for a day for the right asking price. So why is it illegal to pay $10 for a handjob? Biblical puritanism and American sexual squeamishness at its finest.

Rated M for Moron

2009-12-06T19:04:00.001-06:00

Very few times in my life have I felt shocked from the words or actions of others. My relatively blunted affect, however, was electrified last night by the comments uttered by a woman at my local GameStop.

I was at the dual checkout counter trading in two disappointing Wii games and a woman with her two sons were standing next two me. Using my carnival skill for guessing ages, I’m estimating the sons were 13 and 10-years-old. The dialogue between the mother and the employee went something like this (as verbatim as I can remember and presented in screenplay format):

INT. GAMESTOP – EVENING

A mother and her two sons are talking with an employee at the counter. Eric and Bella are at the other register trading in games.

EMPLOYEE
No, this doesn’t have any nudity. What this means is
that there is just hot chicks.

MOTHER
What does that mean?

EMPLOYEE
It’s no different than what is on late-night TV.

MOTHER
That’s pretty bad.

EMPLOYEE
Well, it’s like broadcast TV late-night; not like late-night
Cinemax.

MOTHER
That’s still pretty bad. It’s not like it used to be.

The sons are becoming increasingly annoyed.

EMPLOYEE
Yeah, well, there’s no nudity, no profanity, but it is one
of the most graphically violent games.

A beat.

I’m not trying to talk you out of this, but I just want you
to be informed. You’re able to stab a sword in a guy’s neck,
cut off his head, and cut off his limbs.

MOTHER (quietly)
Oh, that’s okay.

The sons are exuberant.

We need to train the future’s soldiers to fight for us.

Eric vomits in the mother’s face.

FADE TO BLACK

I am fully aware of our culture’s acceptance of violence and repression of sexuality. Here are three examples of this:

1) Indecency and obscenity laws exist only for the control of sexual content in the media. There are no laws to control violent content.

2) Public fights are likely to attract eyes, whereas public kissing is likely to avert eyes.

3) In Alabama, owning six firearms is legal, but owning six vibrators is illegal.

However, up until last night, I was convinced that this cultural standard was subconscious. I assumed these attitudes were ingrained outside of our awareness. The mother’s comments proved my hypothesis null. She was well aware of her objection to her sons being exposed to pixilated cleavage, but actually encouraged their exposure to ultra-violence as a training method for our country’s continued fight for “freedom.”

God Bless America.